Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Writer's Voice Entry

I entered a contest called The Writer's Voice hosted by Cupid's Literary Connection, Brenda Drake, Monica of Love YA and Krista Van Dolzer of Mother. Write. (Repeat.).  It works a little like The Voice on television. Those four lovely ladies are dropping by our blogs and picking teams. So here is my query and first 250 words of my novel. Wish me luck!

The Query:

Dear Amazing Coaches,

Kidnapped from a life of royalty as a child, seventeen-year-old Rose knows how fragile life as a dancing Flower can be. Forced into the Garden, a burlesque troupe of slave girls, she has learned to see dangers everywhere when a wrong word could mean losing your tongue—or worse.

When the Garden is booked to perform for the lord of the kingdom and her slave master kills a fellow dancer to keep Rose in check, she decides to break free. Her plan is simple: grab a hostage and run like hell. What she didn't count on was her hostage being the leader of a rebellion against the current ruler, and she definitely never dreamed she’d end up joining. But with her old slave master threatening to kill off a dancer a day until she returns and the kingdom looking to stamp out the rebels, Rose quickly realizes that nowhere is really safe, especially since she’s the unwilling heir to the throne.

Caught between the family she’s created for herself in the rebellion and the title she’s never wanted, Rose must decide whether her birthright is a crown of petals or a crown of thorns. Only then will she be able to rescue the other Flowers she abandoned, unite the war-torn kingdom and maybe even save herself.

GARDEN OF THORNS is a 91,000 word young adult fantasy in the vein of Jodi Meadows’ Incarnate and C.J. Redwine’s Defiance. A completed manuscript is available upon request.

I graduated with a degree in Creative Writing at the University of South Florida, blog about all things YA at Down The Rabbit Hole and currently am employed as a 911 dispatcher for the city of Vero Beach.

The First 250:

My new shackles are lined with needle-thin spikes that bite into my chapped wrists and ankles. Their constant prickling is a reminder of what an attempt at freedom would cost me, a warning of what a failed break will mean. My carriage, cage really, jolts to a stop and I fly off the splintered bench, landing hard on my hands and knees in the dirty straw that lines the floor. Inching up until I'm sitting, I look up at the wooden roof. A crack of light spills into the cart, its weak rays like gentle fingers on my face. It gives the illusion of hope. I turn away from the sun before that seed can take root in my chest and grow.

From the outside, our traveling band looks a lot like the circus that used to visit my father’s land every spring. The brightly colored carriages portray the traveling 13 Dancing Flowers, but unlike the circus, we aren’t meant to entertain the children. The paintings on the sides of our carts are meant to tantalize. Each dress is brighter than the last, accentuating the curves and dips of our forms as we dance, forced to lose one petal at a time.

Sounds rise up from the crack in my wooden cage: men shouting orders, horses whinnying impatiently, cart doors being thrown back and the materials to make our temporary garden being dragged out of storage. I crawl towards the small hole in the edge of my cart and wait. The banging begins like clockwork.


Thanks coaches for taking a look!

26 comments:

  1. Yes please! I would like to read this, like, RIGHT NOW.

    Good luck to you, and I hope you get requests for a full, because oh man. This is an awesome concept.

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  2. Ooh, yes, I've seen this before! It sounds absolutely wonderful! :D Good luck!

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  3. Your description is WONDERFUL. And this was genius in the query--Rose must decide whether her birthright is a crown of petals or a crown of thorns. Best of luck!!!

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  4. This looks really interesting! Best of luck to you!

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  5. I remember this, and I'm still hooked! Your pitch is amazing, and I love the first 250. There's something about the way you write where the scene comes to life and it flows so naturally.

    Good job, and good luck. I look fwd to reading this in the near future!

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  6. Oh man, a kidnapping escape and a rebellion all in one book. These are a few of my favorite tropes. It sounds lovely, best of luck!

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  7. This is interesting...I realize that this is fantasy but there are plenty of places in the world where this kind of servitude really happens. I especially like the details in the last paragraph--they really put you there in the scene. Great premise!

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  8. I hope this gets picked up - I'd read it! Good luck!

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  9. Great voice. Great query. I know you'll do well. Best of luck.

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  10. Really interesting concept!
    Good luck!

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  11. Best of luck in The Writers Voice. Love your entry!

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  12. I remember this from Cupid's and I agree with Copernicius, that I'm still hooked on it! Great intro, interesting topic, and the query and first 250 are awesome! Good luck!

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  13. What an original premise. And very vivid writing. Good luck!

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  14. A tragic story about an enslaved princess forced into dance! WOW! WANT TO READ!!

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  15. It sounds like a great read. Good luck!

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  16. Wow! Great premise. Good luck in the contest!

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  17. Love the plant-related imagery in the sample! Good luck!

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  18. Amber!!!!! Gosh, I loved your entry!!
    I have to tell you I even googled it to see if it had been in other contests before. But then I was like, I DON'T MIND!!! I will pick that one anyway!! WHO CARES!!! =D

    I love the concept. I love that it's original. The writing was strong, and the stakes are high. Loved when you said that she grabs a hostage and runs like hell, and then omg, the hostage turns to be the leader of the rebellion?? Right then my stomach was somersaulting inside at how much I wanted this entry!

    I do have a few nitpicks in mind. But I don't think you will need much editing (why fix something when it's not broken?). I would love to read more pages, though, and see if we can make the awesome first page and the query even better. And if you have a synopsis, I'd love to read that too. :)But as I said, I just have nitpicks for you.

    So. I WANT YOU for my team!! Pretty please, join #TeamMonicaFTW! What do you say?? =D

    btw, congrats on being so talented! ;)

    PS: pick me! ;)

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  19. e.x.c.e.l.l.e.n.t. I'm catching a whiff of Sucker Punch in here. Rose's captivity feels palpable. So much luck to you!

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  20. This sounds really intriguing! Good luck!

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  21. Very nice, I wish you the very best luck

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  22. How exciting! I love the twist of grabbing the wrong hostage... perfect! Congrats of getting picked already! Best of luck!!!

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  23. Love! Want to read more! Congrats and good luck :)

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  24. Great story, and congrats on getting picked!!!!

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  25. I'm dying to dive into your world. Wonderful. Congrats on catching Monica's eye. She's awesome!

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