A Note on Spike and Buffy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I've just finished watching a little television show called Buffy the Vampire Slayer from beginning all the way to the grim end. I've been shocked, cried, laughed (a lot) and swooned until I'm literally just tired. When I watch something that I like, the story gets underneath my skin and embedded in my veins like a drug. Just knowing that I will never see a new Buffy episode is enough to throw me in a tizzy though luckily I've saved Angel and can enjoy that next. In an attempt to unload some of these intense feelings, I thought I'd write about a few things.

What I want to write about first is the whole Buffy and Spike thing because this going to take the longest for me to come to grips with. The whole truth of it is that I'm not satisfied with it. I love Joss Whedon and I think he's brilliant but I'm just not happy with how Buffy and Spike turned out.

As a character, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be drawn to Spike. I liked Buffy and Angel because I believed in their relationship. They were willing to die for each other and fought along side each other in every battle they faced. They were equals and I respected that. I loved that about them.

And then this other vampire is introduced and I knew he became a player for Buffy's heart. So Spike drives into Sunnydale for that first time with his rock-n-roll attitude and complete disregard for everyone but himself and Dru and I was unimpressed. Heck yes, he was freaking funny but I just didn't see the appeal of him. Not when Buffy and Angel had such a strong relationship. I kept waiting to understand throughout the season and just couldn't. I did love how Spike was so deliciously evil with Dru and I found it interesting that he was willing to risk everything to get Dru and himself out of Sunnydale safely but I still didn't see it. Little did I know that I was catching my first glimpse at the devotion Spike would become known for... I was just witnessing it for a different girl.

So Spike comes back later in a parody of his first entrance, all drunk and sobbing and stumbling. But this time, he gets stuck in Sunnydale. Angel exits the picture for his own show, leaving Buffy broken and takes Cordelia with him. All of a sudden, they bring in Spike to (and I'm paraphrasing James Marsters own words) "tell Buffy she is stupid and is going to die" and it starts to work. I start seeing him tag along with the Scoobies, completely uninterested in their own safety but jonsing for a good fight, a reason to be sarcastic and to laugh when things go wrong.

After Spike gets a chip implanted in his head, it finally clicks. I realize that I'm craving scenes with Spike and Buffy together because I can't get enough of their witty jabs. All of a sudden I'm looking for that trademark bleached blonde hair and black trench coat in every scene. How the heck did this happen? Well, it's because he's funny and his chemistry with Buffy is undeniable.

But after a while, it's became something different for me. He was funny and I enjoyed all that but I realized that his character was changing. He was transforming into something different. Then he realizes his feelings for Buffy and for me, everything changed. It's because we hadn't seen that side of vampires in Buffy the Vampire Slayer before. We knew they were demons so how can demons love? But all of a sudden we saw a monster beginning to love like a man--passionately, without regard for his own life and without hope of reciprocation. Then, I got it. Spike is better because he maintains his ability to love through his vampirism and I should have seen it all along in his admiration of Dru.

Season 5 does a great job of building on this funny little feeling that Spike doesn't want to have. Suddenly, he starts to care about the things Buffy cares about. This is the Spike that I wanted to see Buffy accept and love back. But the writers of the show took it a completely different way.

I understand why the writers did what they did with the Season 6 relationship that is Buffy and Spike. I'm not even going to talk about her state of mind here or what it meant to her. I do want to point out that the abusive and highly sexual relationship the develops are major steps towards women's sexuality. I'm not saying that what they did was right or wrong but I am saying that Buffy was often the one to initiate both the violence and the sex and whether it's right or not, I think it was brave of the show to allow Buffy to have her sex life exactly the way she wanted it, even if it did destroy her.

But what I want to look at more is Spike. And the reason I want to look at it closer is because of the attempted rape scene in "Seeing Red". I was literally stunned when I saw this episode. How did Buffy and Spike go from demolishing a house with their love making to Spike trying to force himself on her in a scene so terrifying it still sends shivers down my spine and breaks my heart? I've been asking myself this question and I've been able to rationalize it in my own mind even if I'm not sure I can accept it myself. Season 6 took Spike away from being the ear that Buffy could always rely on and the hands that always had her back and made him into the darkness that was in Buffy's heart. Spike wanted Buffy to come into the darkness with him. Though I don't think Spike was the biggest problem in this relationship because the entire time they were together physically, he craved an emotional connection to. However, the monster in him wanted Buffy isolated, wanted her passionate and didn't know that he was killing her by encouraging it.

So here's my answer for "Seeing Red". Buffy began her relationship with Spike the monster in violence. It was a blend of self-loathing on her part, violence and finally, shallow passion. But in order to really end her relationship with the monster and get the man, it had to end the way it started: in violence. Since this is the one time that violence and sex was not wanted on Buffy's part, it resulted in an almost rape. I've read a lot of articles and I'm not sure how many of them are true but it has been stated over and over that the writer's truly believed Spike needed to be rocked so deeply in his core that there was no other option but to get his soul. While I understand all of this, I'm still not sure this was the way to go.

Season 7 reinforces my thoughts on this because Buffy never experiences a relationship with Spike the man. So what was the point of having this terrible violent ending with the monster since they have to go through all that to get the man? When he gets his soul back, which he openly admits was for her, there are no hugs or kisses or embraces. What we get instead are three precious nights where Buffy gives away the one thing she refuses to give most other people: a connection. She connections with Spike on a level that he has craved since he was only a monster and didn't even really know it's what he wanted. I just wish we'd been given time to see Buffy try to be with Spike the man. This is why I feel truly unsatisfied. I understand that Spike gets his soul for himself when it really comes down to it but the writers make it a point to tell us that it was originally for Buffy. So I wish we'd have gotten to see a little more reward from Buffy for Spike as a man than an "I love you" as he is dying which even he didn't truly believe. After all, it was Spike alone who stands behind her when everyone else forsakes her. He is the one that grips her from the darkness he so desperately tried for her to embrace before, and gives her the strength to keep going. So I really wish I'd gotten a little more from Buffy and Spike together in the end.

I am going to read the comics to see what happens and I'm really hoping that Whedon & co give Spike the chance to really be with Buffy the way that Angel and even Riley have as a man instead of simply a monster. It's my fondest wish that they at least get to try and from what I've been able to read, at least I know that Buffy still thinks of him romantically.

I ask myself this final question which I can't answer yet and that is, what do I want? Do I want Spike to be happy with Buffy or am I really craving for Spike to be happy?

Have you seen the show? I'd love for you all to chime in!