*Please know that I am an honorary mention only, as my entry #102 has been pushed through by one amazing bouncer*
The set-up: Rose has just escaped from being captured and fought her way back to the rebel camp. Rayce, the rebel leader who has always been there for her, awkwardly enters her tent and tells her that he was worried she might be dead and that made him realize just how important she is to him.
________________________
“Then I’m yours, Rose,” he says, his rough fingers trailing down my face to the hollow of my neck.
He’s giving himself to me, a possession I can’t place on my shelf next to my scissors or borrowed belt. Something I can’t lose. The most precious thing I’ve ever been offered. He deserves to hear it too for being everything I never even dreamed could be possible.
“And I’m yours,” I whisper, letting my fingers travel over the scratchy surface of his chin to trace the lines of his marking near his left eye.
My words earn me inches. He leans in, closing the space between us, sealing our words with something deeper than promises, stronger than steel. I tilt up my face, my own mouth tingling as I meet him inch by slow inch, breath by breath, heartbeat for heartbeat. Our mouths meet as lost and hesitant as he looked when he first walked in. But they keep working, finding their meaning in the words we spoke. He pulls me closer, his hands gripping the middle of my arms like I might pull away. I press in to his hard body, feel the way he doesn’t even have to move for me to fit him.
We fall deeper into each other, his hands finding their way to the hem of my tunic, sneaking up under it to press warmly against the small of my back. I nearly tip over as his mouth travels down the line of my jaw, planting kisses on skin I never even knew could feel warmth.
For once in my life I don’t measure time passing with the sound of our breathing. They aren’t any heartbeats ticking out seconds or stories to weave into the empty space. Right now there is just me and him. I am so whole I'm spilling over and Rayce’s lips catch every last drop.
________________________
So there is it! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Love to hear what you think and I look forward to reading some kissy scene from the other entries.
Thanks!
Hi Amber,
ReplyDeleteSteamy in a super emotional way. I really liked it. I especially like the line, "planting kisses on skin I never even knew could feel warmth." Great job. And congrats on getting on to the next round.
:)Leslie (#50)
Very beautifully written! Congrats on getting into the next round!
ReplyDeleteLarissa :) (#47)
I'm quite certain you couldn't have enjoyed writing this as much as I enjoyed reading this! It was incredibly gorgeous. I'm still catching my breath!
ReplyDeleteGreat scene! I love it! Your writing is beautiful. Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I loved your query and first 250. I'm so glad you got through! And this scene is great. I loved all of the emotion intermixed with description. Swoon!
ReplyDeleteHoly.Moly. What a fantastic scene! Gaaaaawd, some of your phrasing is bananas! :)
ReplyDeleteIn a very nit-picky way, I think that "Our mouths meet as lost and hesitant" could be reworked. Most of your prose flows really well but this stood out to me. If their mouths are meeting, then how are they lost? I think that sticking just with "hesitant" would be a little clearer. And I LOVE "My words earn me inches."
Congrats on getting in! Hope you get shot with all the arrows! :)
Jennie (#49)
This was so good! Really well-written, and with some beautiful language/images. My favourite was "He’s giving himself to me, a possession I can’t place on my shelf next to my scissors or borrowed belt." Great scene! --Saybe (Kissing Scene #23)
ReplyDelete"I tilt up my face, my own mouth tingling as I meet him inch by slow inch, breath by breath, heartbeat for heartbeat"...I love this :) This is totally swoon-worthy! I really love the ending too. Powerful stuff!
ReplyDeleteJessica (#42)
This is fabulous! And I'm delighted that you're in the BSD already, so well deserved. My fave line is the same as Saybe's: "He’s giving himself to me, a possession I can’t place on my shelf next to my scissors or borrowed belt."
ReplyDeleteThis is sooooo swoon-worthy! Get an agent and a contract soon so I can read the whole thing!
Amber,
ReplyDeleteI am so excited that you're in the agent round!! I wanted to read more of your work and this glimpse is just amazing! You are incredibly talented, and your turn of phrases are swoony! Beautiful words! Virginia (#7)
That was very romantic and well written. It's definitely about more than just the kiss.
ReplyDeleteGood luck in the agent round!
Kissing scenes that express more than simply the kiss are my favorite. This was well-written, if I may be forgiven for my vagueness. The prose flows wonderfully, and the female character, well, I liked her "voice" and reaction. Well done.
ReplyDeleteFantastic scene! I especially loved "My words earn me inches." Great visual. Congrats on making it into the agent round! :)
ReplyDeleteDitto what everyone else said but I'd have to say my favorite is the entire last paragraph--it's so beautiful and romantic and just plain wonderful.
ReplyDeleteMargie #40
Sighing softly.... Oh, right - I wanted to comment!
ReplyDeleteI especially liked "I am so whole I'm spilling over" and "My words earn me inches", but there were so many more great sentences in there. I especially liked that it is not just physical, but very emotional. My only question was whether your MC really always measures time with the sound of breathing. If she does in the rest of the ms, then it makes sense.
Wonderful job!
Laura, Kiss #33, BSD #112
Like this whole thing. Very touching and emotional scene! Congrats on getting through. Great job here!
ReplyDelete(Sorry if this is a duplicate comment -- I really did think I posted, but somehow it went off into the ether...)
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree with the other comments about what a beautiful scene this is, the thing that makes it so amazing to me is the way you give us info on Rose. I love the tiny touches that tell us she expects to have to pay a price for everything, even love. "My words earn me inches." Thank you for sharing this perfect little scene. I can't wait to read more.
--Barb (#38)
I know it's not a romantic point but I LOVE the fact that you list what's on her shelf. It gives me a real sense of who she is just from this snippet!
ReplyDeletemy words earn me inches <3
"I am so whole I'm spilling over and Rayce’s lips catch every last drop." I can't even begin to say how much I love this.
Excellent job, really loved the description and the strong sense of her through it!
You have such a beautiful way with words! This was amazing. If the rest of the novel is this well-written with such exquisite descriptions, then it's easy to see why your entry was chosen to go on to the next round. Best of luck on Mt. Olympus! I have no doubt you'll rock it!
ReplyDeleteMaggie #27
My favorite line is "I nearly tip over as his mouth travels down the line of my jaw, planting kisses on skin I never even knew could feel warmth." So sweet! Good luck in the rest of the contest! :)
ReplyDeleteCaitlin (Kiss #31)
Fizzygrrl here to hand out the "Get a Room" award!!
ReplyDeleteThis was SAUCY. Me likey very much.