Randy Russell, author of Dead Rules, Guest Post: 5 Books I've Written (that weren't published)

I'm joined today by Randy Russell, author of the deadly funny, Dead Rules. Today he's sharing 5 books he's written that haven't be published. Prepare to laugh. And I'm asking you know, please don't drink or eat while reading this (wouldn't want something to go amiss!).

Five Books I’ve Written That Weren’t Published.

By Randy Russell

Author of DEAD RULES

Note: All titles and book descriptions are the copyrighted property of the author.

1) Tarzan’s Daredevil Donut Diet.  Oh this was fun!  I love screwing with nonfiction and have always thought it provides a most intriguing form for a novel.  In this one, Tarzan informs a reader of the steps he took to losing 45 pounds one winter: by eating only donuts and getting a divorce.

2) Wild Women in the Woods.  An anecdotal history of same.  Prequel to Wild Women in the Lake and Wild Women in Pick-up Trucks and Cars. 

3) The Many Uses of Nudity in Wilderness and Oceanic Survival.  True nonfiction.  Few people know that a naked man with a boner, when lying on his back, makes an effective sextant for directional navigation on both land and sea at night.

4) How to Build a Better Birdhouse.  Aw, with lots of illustrations!  Another novel disguised as a how-to book.  This is a step-by-step instruction manual with notes from the author as he pursues building his own better bird house, including sawing off a finger of his left hand.  Driving himself to the emergency room, he becomes frustrated by a slow car and sticks his hand out the window to gesture in anger at the driver, thereby propelling his unattached finger into on-coming traffic.  Chapter Six:  How to Remove a Human Finger from the Grill of a Semi.   

5) Never Invite a Cannibal to a Weiner Roast.  Advice.  Lots and lots of good advice.

Thanks so much to Randy Russell. Be sure to check out my review of Dead Rules later in the tour and feel free to leave a comment! I'm sure we all will be clamoring to learn how to build a birdhouse!

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